The Cockney Critic Reviews Poseidon Fishbar – Ardleigh Green


Otherwise known as the cockney critic or Mr Happy Days, Jerry Mullan’s culinary journey has been as diverse as the countries he’s lived and cooked in, whether it was running Charity events at St Paul’s Cathedral or Hog roasts at Hampton Court, he’s always smiling. Currently, Head Chef of an award-winning West London gastropub, his influences and passion are irresistible whether on a plate or being read.

Jerry Mullan

Now don’t worry everyone, I’m not the Philip Schofield of food critics, who would give a good review about everyone (only because he is such a nice guy), and I’m not the Piers Morgan type, that’s not happy with anything (only because he is such a Piers Morgan).  I’m firm but fair, and as a chef, if you have no respect for your food or your customers, I’ll let you know about it. But nothing makes me happier than ordering a cheeky takeaway every now and again, just to see the love and attention that’s been put into it, all to make sure I have a decent dinner. Don’t worry though, I know even a broken clock is right twice a day, so I will always go back, on a different day of the week and see if they are the real McCoy.

I must say, I was sceptical about doing our first review on a fish and chip shop. I find a lot of them are either lacking in portion size or just isn’t cooked fresh.  For me, the perfect Fish and Chips is when the batter is crispy, the salad is fresh and the buns are crusty. As basic a concept as a fish and chip shop is, if it’s not done properly, it’s gone from an amazing meal to a dog’s dinner.

But neither the less, I saw two magpies earlier in the day, so thought I would give it a shot, and wow was we not let down.

Poseidon – Ardleigh Green

Friday night – 7:00 pm order

Easy enough to find on google, called them up for a pre-order, we went for two Fishcakes, two Cod Roe, one large Kebab and one large Chips, and no, before Jamie Oliver asks, it’s not all for me, and I only had one sugar instead of two in my tea this week to have this kebab, so happy days!

The very polite chap on the other end of the phone said it is just under £20 and will be ready in fifteen.

I turned up 13 minutes later, not that I was timing it or anything, and BOOM, there they were taking the fishcakes and the Cod Roe out of the fryers. HAPPY DAYS indeed! Freshly cooked food, now I am getting excited.

The shop itself has a clear screen separating them from the customers, and it appeared very clean, tidy and you felt safe. All signage is up to help customers with social distancing and both guys were wearing masks, very very impressed so far. £18.60 altogether, an absolute bargain if it lives up to expectations.

Paid and in my hand within 18 minutes, not too shabby for a Friday night. Got home and WOW everyone is happy. Cod Roe batter is crisped to perfection, fishcakes nice and moist in the middle with perfectly crisped breadcrumbs, and the kebab was spot on. Meat wasn’t over cooked, big portion and the salad tasted as if it was picked that morning. One thing that done the kebab for me, was half a lemon included, not everyone’s cup of tea, but so many places forget it these days. And of course, the creme de la creme, the make or break of so many chip shops, the chips. We were not disappointed, great size portions, you could still taste the heat from the oil, and see the steam from inside the chip when you broke it open. Which means only one thing, FRESHLY COOKED!

As promised, we will be revisiting this little gem at some point soon, after what I saw, I would be disappointed, more so shocked if it isn’t as amazing as it was again. A big well-done guys, I really was an amazing meal and well priced for 2021. Thank you so much for the amazing and fresh tasting meal and I look forward to the second visit very soon!

Much love from the Cockney Critic!

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