Just why is there an increase in male suicide?

Talking about suicide is one of the hardest and most challenging issues that can be addressed. This is one of the worst times of the year for so many people who struggle with short days and long nights, Christmas and other holidays that add their pressures on many who are often already struggling. Yet it is our men who are struggling the most.

The level of male suicides has risen once again. The male suicide rate was 15.8 per 100,000 compared to 5.5 per 100,000 for women. Males aged between 50-54 were found to have the highest suicide rate. So the question to ask is-why are suicides so high amongst men?

Although women are more likely to attempt suicide, it is men who account for more than three quarters of all suicides.

A counsellor reported a male desperately turning to the talking therapy facility for help after feeling a complete failure. He loved his family and could not share with them the fact that he was severely struggling and did not want to admit it to them that he could not cope. His fear of being viewed as a failure or being weak in front of his family was what had stopped him from sharing his problems with them. It was in fact the incredible love he had for his wife and child that made him feel so weak for not being able to cope.

Fortunately the man in question was able to receive support and go through the issues he was facing. He was a lucky one as he sought help, many do not.

It is sadly this stigma that the man has to be strong at all times that is indeed one of the biggest contributors to males turning to suicide. Our society has much to change. The perpetual stigma of the macho, can conquer the world and never shed a tear male that has led to men feeling this incredible pressure. It is horrendous phrases such as ‘man up’ that unfortunately are still being said in our our society, that also add to this awful stigma men face. The pressure to be tough, strong, and deal with everything without sharing their feelings.

Many males have grown up with families who have reinforced this stigma. Families who have raised sons to not show any emotion and be a ‘man’ and the worst phrase of them all, ‘boys don’t cry.’ Men raised to internalise their emotions and lock them away, never cry especially in front of others.

Tough job environments that were once male dominated, were also a contributing factor. Males were once again pushed to get on with it, there was no room for allowing feelings or to feel any emotion, a man was expected to ‘strap a pair on’ another phrase that needs to be removed.

Our society has so much to change and must urgently change to support our men once and for all. The stigmas men feel are endless and the pressures they are repeatedly under are never ending. We must break these stigmas an allow men to have a society where they can be themselves.

As a woman, if something upsets me, I will in some form or another share that it has caused me concern and has upset me. A man, all too often will not. He will not want others to know that he was upset, despite being hurt his feelings are swept aside and not acknowledged. All wrong.

40% of men have never spoken to anyone and are too scared to share. This must be addressed by society, changes must be made.

Many men are worried about telling their employers about their mental health issues fearing they will get a negative response. This in turn can lead to alcohol or substance abuse as men struggle to deal with their emotions.

All these factors need to be urgently addressed. We must allow men to feel, we must allow men to share, we must allow men to cry, we must allow our men to open up and feel comfortable opening up. It is also vital that we remove all these horrendous stigmas and phrases that have built a society that men are not allowed to feel.

As women we must take time to listen to our man, or our male friends or family. Support them, provide an environment, a safe space where he knows that he feels comfortable and in time begin to share. Due to all the stigmas we have created, this may well take time but please persevere.

Let us also encourage men to support each other. Walk and talk groups for men have been brilliant in allowing men to come together and share. They do a fantastic job supporting men’s mental health and also give men the opportunity to see that they are not alone and that there are many men out there feeling the same.

We must all work together as a society to help remove these awful stigmas and build a future where men do feel at ease to share.

Please check in on your male friends, you could be saving a life.