We must urgently remove the stigma attached to men’s mental health and start providing for our men.

September saw National Suicide Prevention month where the spotlight goes on tackling suicide awareness and what can be done to spot signs of possible suicide and how to prevent it.

Charities working in the mental health field focus on sending out messages how to support those in need and how we as individuals can help those around us.

One aspect that is slowly starting to be addressed, and should be urgently addressed is male depression and male suicide. Did you know that the suicide rate amongst males is actually four times higher than among females? Heartbreakingly twelve men a day commit suicide, one man every two hours.

So whose place in society is it to address male suicide and just why is it not getting identified as it should be? The answer to the first question is-it is society’s place to address this urgently and as women, it is also our place to support men.

We know the stigma attached to men’s mental health is frequently one of the reasons why men do not reach out. Men often feel that they may be seen as weak or unmasculine if they open up about their mental health concerns, they may even hide their concerns so they don’t feel like they are weak in front of their partners or even feel like they are letting their partners down by feeling depressed.

If women feel depressed, why shouldn’t men have those same feelings too? Our society does not allow men to share, that is the bottom line. The macho stigma is so great that men would rather consider the worse than opening up about their feelings. This urgently needs to change and we must strive for an open society that allows men to feel at ease at sharing their concerns with partners, or family and friends about what they are experiencing.

Trauma impacts both men and women, it does not discriminate in anyway. Its arrival is often ignored by men, and frequently swept under the carpet as they believe that being a male they can deal with it and it will pass. But sadly trauma sits and patiently waits at the back of your mind unchecked until one day, it comes out and confronts you and then you have no option but to address it. Trauma does not go until in some form or another it is verified and starts to be acknowledged and then the processing of the traumatic experience begins. Let me say this here, there is no shame in feeling depressed, there is no shame in acknowledging that you have been through a traumatic experience and it has left its scar on you.

If you fall down the stairs, the body has been impacted by the fall and shows visible signs of bruising and aches and pains and pain killers can be taken, or even worse it might leave us with broken bones. Experiencing trauma is the mind being bruised, the mind’s version of a broken bone, just that it does not visibly show, however that does not mean it isn’t there. It just means that pain killers will not alter the impact.

Another question to ask is just what we as women can do to help men suffering with mental health issues and do we have a role to play? The answer is most assuredly yes.

I recall talking to a lady whose partner was experiencing mental health issues. Her words to me were-‘I wish he would man up and strap a pair on’. A sentence that has stayed with me for years and indeed one of the many reasons why I became a mental health worker.

The phrase ‘man up’ needs to be abolished, no man should ever be told this, actually what we should be saying is thank you for opening up to me when I know how hard that must be. Can you imagine summoning all the courage and pride you have as man to let your partner know you are suffering mentally and being told ‘man up’. Never.

As women, we should actually be encouraging men to feel at ease and respecting them to have the courage to share their emotions and problems. Never using such phrases as the above but praising men, who against all the odds feel that they can talk about a subject that should not be taboo for them.

Ladies, take the time today to ask the person you care about, or friends and family how they are, know that they are fighting a bigger battle than you due to the stigma attached to men’s mental health and please let us abolish the phrase man up once and for all. Men have the same right to feel depressed, men feel just like women do and men under go trauma like women do.

Society must now allow equal rights for men to remove the stigma and be able to feel at ease in sharing their mental health concerns and knowing that they are not letting anyone down, but actually admired for having the courage to come forward.